This is a bit different from my regular posts. This is actually a second letter that I wrote to a family friend that was offended by some words I used on my own facebook post about the semi recent state of the union address. You should know that
a) this person is a pastors wife, and
b) I used to be a non denominational christian back in the day. Needless to say, when she saw me use the words 'bull shit ass' and 'fuck' she was taken aback and I got a private message of disappointment. I responded from the heart and got no reply. I responded again with a letter truly digging deep (as seen below) and up to this moment I have yet to receive a reply. Whats making me sad is that originally, she ignored what I was actually saying and chose to focus on 'bad' words. Below is what I wrote from my heart:
**names and titles have been removed****the phrase generational curses is used later in the letter to relate to this person in their terms. This is a phrase learned in church but is synonymous with how some things are sometimes passed from parent to child through learned behavior, i.e. alcoholism, spousal abuse, depression, etc.**
Hey ██████ ██████ ,
I never heard back from you after I wrote my response about my colorful metaphors, so I hope your not mad or anything. I guess I should start out by saying, I've changed quite a bit since I left Roanoke. I haven't been to church in quite some time, not because of a lack of faith or belief, but simply because most christians really piss me off. Had it not been for your family, ██████ ██████ , and a handful of other great examples, I'd don't know what I'd think at the moment. In fact, one of the few things that I'm absolutely sure of when it comes to God is that he placed me in your family in my high school years. I owe so much to you all, you don't know how close to the edge I was when my mother and I first stepped foot in Light of the World to go to the food bank. I'm sure I'd either be dead or a junkie simply from being caught in between my parents foolishness for so long. From the bottom of my heart, I thank and love you all so much for being there for me, seriously.
One of the reasons that you hadn't heard from me in a little while was because I was actually ashamed to call you all, knowing that I hadn't been to church in a bit. I didn't want you to think less of me or think that I was running around in the world, going wild. Actually, it was far from it. I took some time to really look at life, to look at what affects people, to look at systems of government, just overall to educate myself and try to gain wisdom. What I found severely depressed me and made me angry at the same time. I remember your husband used to talk about how he was when he was younger before he became a pastor, how he was angry and 'crazy'. I finally began to understand a little of how he must have felt, but for different reasons. There is so much hate and so much hurt going on in the world at any given moment, and it seems like most people don't even care. And the things that are in place to heal that hurt and hate, actually seem to fuel it even more.
After Bush took office, there was this slow brewing anti-gay anti-abortion sentiment actually coming from christians, that took me aback. It may have been there all along, but it was rising to the top now and it used the notion of God as a vehicle. Why is the focus on life style choices that only affect that person, and not on things that should actually be challenged such as pedophile priests, corrupt governments, rapists, murderers, the homeless epidemic in the in the USA, a failing environment, education, etc. So many things that are huge topics now, and christians decide to attack gays and scared women who seek to get abortions. This changed me because when you boil it down, Christ basically said, love God, and don't be a jerk to other people and I met so few christians who were actually doing just that. They would use religion as a shield for bigotry and racism. They'd use it to judge others constantly, while forgetting Jesus' example with the prostitute. How could people proclaim Jesus and betray everything he stood for?! This changed me forever.
You have Pastor Ted Haggard feeding into the anti gay machine while being gay himself!! How could no one in that church sense something wrong with him?? I thought back to very questionable hate filled things that racist Gerry Falwell said such as September 11th happening because we got away from God. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! It happened because current US foreign policy backs dictators in regions of the world that we seek to control, killing thousands of innocents in the process. You keep killing innocent people abroad, some of them are bound to get more than a little upset. Am I supposed to let these people get a pass because they wear the cloak of being a christian??
One thing that I remember clearly from my time in Roanoke was we went to a guest church that was having some preacher deliver a sermon via satellite from Texas. The woman that opened up said 'I thank God for Christopher Columbus founding this country'. I remember thinking, this woman is an idiot. This country was founded on Indian genocide and black slavery, but everyone around us was just nodding and saying amen. I was disgusted! I remember you pulled me outside because you noticed something was wrong, and I tried to express what it was, but I couldn't express it. Basically this woman was white washing history because she didn't care to know the facts, and using God as the ultimate scapegoat, just as Falwell AND Haggard. Those same tactics have been used to slaughter so many people all throughout history in the name of God and yet no one calls these people out! What is it about the notion of God that gives people the fuel to do whatever they want. I could let it go, but the fact is that they teach a perverted message to hundreds and thousands every week, slowly poisoning their minds. Somehow, when God enters the equation, people go crazy. Example, █████ . 'God' has told ███ to do so much, yet he hasn't told ███ to exercise, eat better, spend your money wisely, common sense stuff...it's mind baffling. But God always tells people to hate? Mind baffling that a pure and simple message of love can be twisted by so many people for so long.
This is why I have changed ██████ ██████ , I see this stuff and it infuriates me to no end because these things actually DO have effects on peoples lives. Messages of hate masked by religion. christians always pointing at other people and yet they have a super dirty house themselves! People don't think about these things until it's their son, daughter or family member that's been affected by nonsense, then all of a sudden it becomes real. They realize that they can't just focus on heaven, the have to focus on the real world too. But more often than not, they realize this too late and the damage has been done and this sets the stage for generational curses. Things that could have been avoided had the person had a bit more common sense.
Sorry to write a book, but I am still angry, and passionate and I vow to leave the world in a better place than it was when I got here. If I ever attain any amount of power, God help the wicked and corrupt who hurt and steal from others and commit the largest crimes in history because I will absolutely go after them. Justice is a very important thing to me and it's something this world doesn't have enough of.
I hope this shed some light onto where I'm at ██████ ██████ again, sorry for writing a book. With all the love I have,
-Raph-
